American Aquarium Drinker

Trees

2009-10-08T07:57:00.001-07:00

As promised, here is one of the short little pieces of writing I've written as a means to clear my writing block. It's about trees.

They found him leaning against the oak tree with a smile on his face. Was I surprised when I heard? No, not really. That's where I would've looked if I was in their shoes. It was fitting, really. Only place he didn't feel like a freak.
The kid had been dealt a real bad hand. The drunken asshole he had for a stepfather always gave him the kind of grief that left bruises. He deserved what came to him. His mom, well, let's just say she had time for everyone else but him. School was no different. The freaks and geeks, jocks and beauty queens. He was everyone's personal little punching bag. Not even the teachers liked him. He wasn't smart enough for them. And me? Well, he was family. What could I do about that?
I'd find him sitting there on my way home from practice. Always had that coke can box with him. "That's where I keep my orc army and my paints," he would tell me. Bunch of overpriced plastic if you asked me, but I never told him anything. It didn't seem right.
Something was up that day. I had missed the bus that morning, and things just kept going from worse to shit. I didn't see him there. No carton box, no slouched figure with a paint brush in his hand. Didn't think much of it. All I could think of was how coach had run us like dogs.
He was dead when the hounds found him with his late daddy's war pistol in hand. No cuts, no blood, at least none that belonged to him. Nothing. Heart just stopped beating. He used to say the shade protected him. Said he felt nothing could happen to him so long as he didn't step outside of what the leaves covered.

B-B-B-Baaack!

2009-10-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I haven't posted here since before the Metalocalypse, and truthfully, I've been working on so many independent projects that I haven't had much time to update, so for that I apologize. If there's still any readers left, then, thank you for not leaving. Seriously.

Part of my overextended hiatus can be attributed to the fact that I never really established much of a cohesive theme. It was just a space where I wrote and ranted about whatever struck my fancy. I'm going to continue to do that. The theme is that there is no theme to this bloggity blog. Just a bunch of random shit, now with more rants!

Since my last post, I have also been working on several writing exercises with a good friend of college where we write short 300 word segments about a specific theme each week. Since only she and I are reading them, I figured I'd post the best one of the week here.

Anyway, to summarize. I've been gone for too long, but I should be writing here more often.

I don't wanna grow up

2009-04-06T21:56:00.000-07:00

I'm a worrier by nature. What can I say? I can't help it. If I'm having fun, I worry that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and vice versa. My most recent source of concern has been how old I've begun to feel. I know, I know. You're probably thinking its absurd to be under 25 and question whether I'm past my prime. Well, any other day I would have agreed with you, but today is unlike any other day. What makes today different is that I ran across a blog titled 'wanna feel old'.

Personal staples that make me feel old:

1. The Matrix came out over 10 years ago

2. Gmail is 5 years old

3.The last time the Dallas Cowboys won a Super Bowl was 13 years ago.

4. Starcraft first came out in 1998 when I was 12.

5. My parents first bought a dvd player in the summer of 1997, the year of its availability in the US, for $300 dollars. Today, you can get one for as little as 20 dollars.

Good times.

Opening Day!

2009-04-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

Holy crap! It's opening day! Cubs v. Astros. Will this be the year?

In other news, Michael Jordan was inducted into the basketball hall of fame.

The Brilliance of Jon Stewart

2009-03-23T01:05:00.000-07:00

I've been slipping lately. To make up for it ,here's a Jon Stewart standup bit from 96.

Old Time Baseball, Conan Style

2009-03-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

Conan O'Brien hosted his late night show for the last time a little over a week ago. His comedic stylings were such an integral part of my teen years. In his honor, and because baseball is in the air (Spring training is around the corner) and in my dvd player (Ken Burns' Baseball), here's a video from Conan's show. It's stuff like this that made him so funny

For those of you who live abroad, try this link.

Absurdity of the Week, The Shabby State of the Republican Party Edition

2009-03-09T16:22:00.001-07:00

Question: How desperate are the Republicans?

Answer: So desperate they're rallying behind a 14 year old kid.

You are Great!

2009-03-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

If you have 16 minutes to spare, you should watch this video. It'll make you smile and feel nice warm and fuzzy. Hell, it made me do that! Have a great weekend everyone.

Mid-Week Cleanup

2009-03-05T12:55:00.000-08:00

1. Never really cared much for horoscopes, but this week's issue of The Onion will make a believer out of me:

Gemini: Everyone laughed when you said mankind wouldn't last another 100 years, but that's because you did it in a funny Mexican accent.

2. Terrell Owens has been released from the Dallas Cowboys after three seasons. I've got to say, I'm not quite sure what to make of this. Granted, TO does have a track record of being a major distraction. He did it in Philly and in San Fransisco, but I think he truly was devoted to the organization. Despite his age, his game-changing ability is not easily replaced. Without him, all we have is an overvalued andoverhyped wide receiver in Roy Williams. Speaking of Roy Williams, the other one ,the safety, was finally cut from the team. Good riddance. He's past his prime and he's only 28. My team's panicking. I'm panicking. The pressure is now on TonyRomo. If he can't win, he'll no longer have anyone blame but himself.

3. Does anyone actually enjoy the comedic stylings of Larry the Cable Guy? I only ask because apparently Comedy Central seems to think so. They've been really pushing this "Roast of Larry the Cable Guy" pretty heavily. What kind of demographic does he appeal to? Maybe David Cross knows. Below is a segment from an open letter he wrote to Larry the Cable Guy:

I remember thinking (occasionally, not all the time) "what a bunch of dumb redneck, easily entertained, ignorant motherfuckers. I can't believe the stupid shit they think is funny." So, yes, I do know your audience, and they suck. And they're simple.

His words not mine. While I may not find his comedy particularly funny, I somewhat understand how people with a certain disposition might perceive him to be amusing. After all, topical humor is the reason why Tyler Perry has a career (yay nouveau blaxploitation!), and if it weren't for Dane Cook, what would douchebags laugh at?

Kanye West, Baseball, etc.

2009-03-04T00:04:00.000-08:00

Kanye West is hillarious. His words:

“I am God's vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.”

In other news, I have taken it up on myself to watch the Ken Burns documentary on Baseball. It's 9 discs, with each disc being 2 hours long. So far, it's amazing.

A Running Diary of Jimmy Fallon's New Show

2009-03-02T22:37:00.001-08:00

Conan O'Brien has been a fixture of my weekday nights since high school. The man is goofy, and just plain funny. I can't think of any other late night show host who has made me squeal and snort from laughing to hard. Starting in June he's going to move to Jay Leno's old spot, and as a result he has moved to LA. I hope he doesn't change, though he probably will because he has to appeal to a wider audience. Anyway, this isn't about Conan. I figured I'd keep a running diary of Jimmy Fallon at the helm of the Late Night. Without Further ado...

11:37pm
The show opens with Jimmy Fallon getting ready in his dressing room. His predecessor, Conan, is there picking up the last of his things. Funny little awkward interaction. A little passing of the torch.This looks promising.

11:38pm
The opening sequence is definitely more urban. This is complimented with having The Roots as his backing band. Could be my own bias, but they're no Max Weinberg. Max Weinberg was funny in that sketchy pervert sort of way.

11:39pm
Jimmy Fallon just walked out looking a little uptight. He does not have the same loose energy than conan. I wonder if he'll laugh at his own jokes. First joke kind of bombed, followed by a series of mediocre ones.

11:45
First segue segment-- before the interviews. This was probably the thing Conan did the best with sketches like "in the year 2000", "the masturbating bear", etc. It's really is unfortunate that he has to fill for Conan. He ends ths first segment with a plea of 'come on right back, please!'. A little dseperate. I'd give this a C for effort.

11:51
Lick it for 10? This kind of strikes me as a leno-like segment. What makes Conan more appealing than Leno is conan's ability to be more risque than his predecessor. Unfortunately Jimmy isn't taking advantage of this later timespot. Lick it for 10 is basically people licking lame objects for 10 bucks. The first guy licked a lawn mower, the girl licked a printer, and the third guy is licking a goldfish bowl. This was entirely pointless and a waste of five minutes. Definitely an F

Sidenote: This got me thinking. My friend Ned asked me if Jimmy Fallon was funnier/better than Carson Daly, and that's a blatant yes. Who isn't? Also, how much does it suck to be him. You follow Conan for 3 plus years, and when Conan gets bumped up to the first slot, instead of him being promoted, they bring someone else. I wonder how that conversation went. " No, it's not you ,it's....well, yeah, actually it's you. We figured we'll just keep you where you are. What's that? No one knows your on tv? That's not true! Stoners and a drunkards watch your show! And sure, they may be too fucked up to know you're on, but hey it's better than no audience right?"

11:59
Firsrt Guest is Robert DeNiro. One of the things that Conan excelled in was in having a great dynamic with his guests. Deniro looks like he doesn't want to be there. Oh man, this is so awkward. Why do people think they can always impersonate DeNiro. Very few people do a good job. Paul Rudd does a wonderful Deniro in 'Knocked Up'. Anyway, interview over. D.

12:17
Justin Timberlake is on. This has devolved into an inside joke of a sketch they did on SNL together. 'What was I going to say, now I'm lost,' said jimmy. truest thing you've said tonight, buddy. You ARE lost.B-

12:25
The camera pans into a wide shot. Again, we see DeNiro thinking to himself 'wtf am I doing here'.

12:28
Van Morisson is the musical guest. Nothing really much to say about the musical guests. they're all the same.

12:35
Well, show's over. Nothing worth writing home about. Overall, it'd give it a D+. At least he's trying.

The Economy, Explained

2009-03-02T21:36:00.000-08:00

Over the last three weeks I have been somewhat of a recluse. This is an unfortunate occurrence that is beyond my control. My new schedule keeps me at work during the ideal time of hanging out with friends. As a result, I have come to depend on This American Life as a means to connect with humanity. It's such a lovely program, I can't recommend it enough.

The reason I bring This American Life again is because over the last year they have had a handful of segments that explain what's going on in terms of the economy that are easy to understand. This week's episode focused on banks and why their collapse would be devastating for our economic system. Their explanation was concise and easy to understand. What did I deduce from all of this? Well, quite frankly we're fucked.

Please check out the episode here. It will help give you a better understanding of what's going on.

Yet Again, Alec Baldwin Proves He's a Comedic Genius

2009-03-02T00:18:00.000-08:00

Absurd Link of the Week, The People Making Bad Choices Edition

2009-03-01T12:57:00.000-08:00

Have fallen behind in the 40 posts in 40 days challenege I clearly need to double up.

In other news, what do you do when your significant other physically abuses you for the whole world to see? Well, if you're Rihanna you clearly get back together with him. According to People Magazine, they have gotten back together after 3 weeks of being separated. Way to set an example to millions of girls. If your boyfriend beats you, it's probably something you did. Thank you for perpetuating the subjugation of women and justifying domestic abuse . Here's how I imagine the conversation they had:

Chris Brown: Hey babe, happy birthday.
Rihanna: who is this?
CB: It's me, Chris Brown, just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday
Rihanna: oh, uh....thanks.
CB: And I also wanted to apologize for that....you know, whole beating you up deal. I'm sorry, I truly am, but sometimes you just make me so mad, and you're so pretty that I don't want to lose you. You know how it is in the rap world. I need to build up my cred, and I can't have my bitch disrespecting me in public. I had to make an example out of you. It hurts me more than it hurts you. So what do you say, you forgive me?
Rihanna: Oh Chris, your'e such a romantic.

And, end scene. Yup, our world's going down the toilet.

Greatest Films of All Time, According to Roger Ebert

2009-02-27T00:32:00.001-08:00

Pretty interesting list.
Some highlights:
Annie Hall
Le Samourai
El Topo
Manhattan
Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia

There are some interesting titles in this list. The inclusion of 'Say Anything' surprised me. Good for John Cusack.

Writing 40 entries in 40 days will prove to be a challenge. I'e decided that my original challenge was 40 entries in 40 days, but this doesn't mean that I'll have to post one a day. I just have to average one entry per day, but if I miss one, I'll double up, and so on and so forth.

Pre-Spring Cleaning

2009-02-25T12:04:00.000-08:00

Cleaned up the layout. New Experiment. I'm not catholic but I played one as a child. It's Lent. What does this mean, you ask? Well, for me it means 40 days, 40 posts. Should be interesting, should be difficult. I don't even think I had a total of 40 blogposts last year. Hell, I don't even think there are a total of 40 blog posts since I first started. We'll see how it goes.

A quick pimp out to the new blog , Around the Couch. Interesting stuff from different collaborators (myself included). My latest entry is about television portrayal of nerds and why it's bad. Pretty heavy stuff.

I like chorizo. Actually I like any Mexican food. Over the weekend, to cure a nasty hangover I went over to Fiesta! Supermarket (I don't think the exclamation point is there, but it should be) and ordered myself some Menudo. No, not the band, the dish. It was glorious. It's historical roots are also very fascinating.

In pre-revolutionary Mexico, poverty among the campesinos was chronic, and little if anything that might be prepared as food was left to waste. Usually, the best cuts of meat would go to the hacienda owners while the offal went to the peasants. These leftovers consisted of organ meats, brains, head, tails, hooves, etc. As cattle and sheep are ruminants that require lengthy intestinal tracts to digest their diet of grasses and raw seeds, the stomach is one of the largest pieces of offal available from these animals.

History and politics of food are neat. Off to Vulcan Video for 2 for 1 Wednesday.

2009-02-09T10:44:00.001-08:00

1) After discovering my roommate had a French press, I have decided to join the ranks of those that brew their own coffee at home. Today was the first time, and although there were some glitches, it went quite alright. I'm gonna dig this whole not paying 2 bucks for a cup of coffee thing.

2) I'm reading the Sandman series. It's wild. I'd recommend it.

3) Today, I start my new job. Not looking forward to it. The hours are going to kill me. We'll see how things work out.

4) I really am making a concerted effort to write more and more.

New Home

2009-01-27T06:40:00.000-08:00

Every other week, I will be posting on www.aroundthecouch.com, a collaborative blog started by one of my good college friends. This does not mean that I will stop writing here, though because the rate of blogging is less frequent than twice a week here, it'll mean that I'll probably write even less. I'm going to make a concerted effort to write more, though. New content will most assuredly be posted here. After all, www.aroundthecouch.com has a rule about keeping the language clean, and I most certainly need an outlet to swear my pretty little head off. Cunt, cock, shit, balls. Penis Holster. See, there. I feel better already

TORN #3

2008-12-20T16:59:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at a half empty bar, about to watch the Dallas Cowboys game. I couldn't watch it at home because Time Warner cable does not carry the NFL Network. So far this season I don't think I've missed a Cowboys game and I didn't want to miss this one. It's the last game to be played at Texas Stadium, a place so deeply rooted in the American sports consciousness that it's a bit difficult to not get a bit sentimental about it. Add to that the playoff implications and this easily becomes one of the biggest games of the regular season. One thing I've always regretted is not attending a game at such a historic stadium, but so it goes...

1.Question: Why is there a hole in the roof of Texas Stadium? Answer: So God can watch his favorite team play on Sunday.

2. Earlier this week, there was an article on ESPN.com about the reporter's most significant memories from Texas Stadium since it first opened. Interestingly enough one of my favorite memories as a Cowboys fan made the list, and it's not particularly a victorious moment. The late 90s and the first part of this decade has been rough for Cowboys fans. The last Super Bowl win happened in January of 96, nearly 13 years ago. That's more than half my lifetime. Similarly, the last time the Cowboys won a playoff game was in December of 1996. So, again, more than a decade since a playoff win. The time spanning from 1996 to about 2004 has been a dark period in Cowboys history, and yet those were my most formative years as a sports fan. Things don't seem so grim now with Tony Romo (our Holy Savior) at the helm of the team, but it's been rough. In September of 2000 the Cowboys played the San Francisco 49ers at home. The 90s were all about this particular rivalry, with 5 of the 10 Super Bowl victories won by either of these two teams (The 'Boys won 3, and the Niners won 2. Conversely, these two teams are tied for most Super Bowl wins, 5.) During that game, the Niners were beating up on us, and it wasn't pretty. That Niners team featured a young megalomaniac named Terrell Owens ( haha,he now plays for the Cowboys) who after scoring his first touchdown ran to midfield from the end zone and posed on top of the star. Later in the game, he ran and did the same thing, only he spiked the ball, adding insult to injury. That didn't last long, however. As Owens ran towards the middle of the field, Corner George Teague ran after him and just knocked him out cold. Teague sent a message. This is our house. Do not disrespect us. I think that did more for me as a fan than anything else. Even at our lowest moment, the players were proud to wear the Blue star on that silver helmet and that meant alot to me.

3. Tracy Morgan is a funny motherfucker. I think what makes him funny as shit is his lack of social tact. Earlier today, in between laundry and cleaning my room, I found this. If ay of you get a chance, you should check out Werewolf Bar Mitzvah. It's transcendental.

4. I'm drunk. Bars with wireless internet=brilliantly evil.

Holiday Cheers

2008-11-24T17:28:00.000-08:00

The Holidays are here, and they're unavoidable. At work, to distract from the recent batch of layoffs, they have put up the Christmas tree. Today, we had gingerbread cookie decorations. Here are mine.

WHY SO SERIOUS!!!!!!DA JOKER

TURTLE

T.O.R.N. No. 2- The "T" Edition

2008-11-20T07:07:00.000-08:00

Haven't updated in a while. No excuse. Straight up laziness. Figured I'd write another TORN. Writing in short sentences. Whoops! Sorry, couldn't help it. I recently re-read the Watchmen graphic novel and really dug Rorschach's style of journal entries. It was no-bullshit, straight up facts style of writing. Anyway, today's TORN edition features things that start with the letter T. Without further ado, here we go:

1. Twilight: Can people just get the fuck over this dumb bullshit craze already? For fucking real, I can't get away from it. A lot of comparisons have been made between this franchise and the Harry Potter one, and while these associations are legitimate, I’d have to say that Twilight takes the “If one of you piece of shit motherfuckers brings this up again, I will shoot you in the face” Award. Yes, the HP series was ridiculous in terms of how many people obsessed over mediocre CHILDREN’S books, and unfortunately the HP wave is still not done with 2 or 3 movies still waiting to be released/made. Yes, it did warm my heart when people drove around in their cars spoiling the ending of the last book to loser fans who waited all day in line for the midnight release of the last book in the series. BUT, I guess the one redeeming quality of the series is that ultimately it got a lot of kids to read. Granted, it was trite and unimaginative. Hell, even Harold Bloom, the great literary critic felt compelled to knock Rowling off her pedestal. Still it got kids to read. Twilight, however, doesn’t really have much of a redeemable quality. The same arguments employed to justify and legitimize the HP series aren’t really in play here. First of all, the books are meant for young adults. Well, young tweens and teenage girls. I seriously doubt many teenage boys are reading this filth. Unfortunately, the readership of this quasi-literary trash is much greater than that. Not a day goes by without one of the secretaries at work raving about the books. The most common expression I hear is “I never read and you wouldn’t catch me dead with a book, but Twilight has changed my life. I’m like a big reader now. I can’t put it down”. Really? Is that admission you really want to make public? What is wrong with you fucking people?? Shit, even the actors who will star in your movie think it’s bullshit! Ugh, alright, I’m done with this. I’m going to get an ulcer. Moving on.

2. The Big Three Bailout: Big Business Bailouts need to stop. I find it appalling that the major automotive company—companies that have been on the forefront of mismanagement and lack of innovation—are asking for a hand out. It’s absurd that a company that bleeds out money is asking for public funds. I don’t understand how anyone could possibly justify this. Their refusal to make any concessions in terms of pay and perks—such as flying their private jets to a meeting-- as they make their demands is a slap to the face to anyone who has ever paid taxes. There are other alternatives than to just throw money at a problem and hope it goes away. There was a very good opinion piece by Mitt Romney in the NY Times op-ed section yesterday where he suggested that we allow these companies to go bankrupt. Filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy is probably the only solution to this problem. It would force these companies to restructure, something these behemoths sorely need.

3. Tony Romo: I have a man crush on Tony Romo. It’s not because he’s the quarterback for my favorite team. Hell, if that were the case, my stomach wouldn’t turn every time someone mentioned the Quincy Carter era in Dallas, or as I like to call it the Dark Ages. No, my heterosexual and platonic infatuation with Tony Romo goes beyond his performance on the gridiron. I think it’s the manner in which he carries himself on and off the field. On the field, he exemplifies the ‘for the love of the game’ mentality. His demeanor is the on-field representation of what being a fan is. When they score, he jumps for joy, just as we jump for joy. Even in tragedy his actions are a manifestation of the fans’. There is no better example of this than the 2006 NFC Wild Card game between the Cowboys and the Seahawks (Romo’s first season). The game ended what could’ve been a game winning field goal being botched, and Romo picking up the ball only to be stopped short of the end zone. After this, a crushed Romo just sat on the field holding his helmet. That image will remain with me for a long time. It’s definitely up there along with the Steve Bartman ruining the Cubs’ chance to go to the World Series in 90+ years. What makes Tony Romo so damn likeable is he appears to be such a grounded guy. I truly believe that he considers himself to be a very lucky person, and this realization is something that keeps him humble. Beyond this, he also seems like a respectable human being. In this football season alone, Romo has been in the headlines for acts of kindness towards others. The first is helping to change a couple’s tire at 2:30 am after a game. That’s class. There was a similar feel good story in the papers today. I mean how can you not like the guy? I have friends who root for the Cowboys now because they love Tony Romo. That’s amazing.

4. The Game: The Yale-Harvard Game is this Saturday. I wish I could be there. It’s so much fun. Drinking heavily the night before, sleeping for a handful of hours, waking up and shotgunning a beer to stave off the morning hangover, followed by more indulging in alcohol and food. Some of my best college memories happened at the Yale-Harvard game. Plus, it's always amusing making fun of Harvard kids and their lame ass ways. This year ends my 6 year streak of being there. Thankfully, it’s always one of the few Ivy League games that’s aired on television. GO ELIS!

Alright, I think this is it for now. I'm going to go to lunch after not working for 3 1/2 hours.

Thoughts, Observations, Ruminations, and News (or TORN No. 1)

2008-11-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

Morning folks. First off, the end of daylight savings times is a wonderful thing. Not only do we get back an hour of sleep, but for me personally it feels like I got up earlier and have been getting more things done this morning than I have in the last couple of weekends. For that reason, I felt it was pertinent for me to update this blog. As always, I will try to not talk about me personally because, honestly, I think the difference between a blog and a journal is just that. Journals are self-indulgent masturbatory writing sessions, while blogging is hoping someone else intellectually masturbates you by your incisive comments. Now, moving on!

1) I think the most pertinent thing on the agenda right now is the upcoming election. I have this uneasy feeling that Obama will be robbed of the election and people will do nothing about it. So, first thing's first. GO VOTE! Despite the fact that this has been a record breaking year in terms of new voters registered and early voting, young people (from the ages of 18-35) have disproportionately been underperforming in comparison to other demographics. This is a big fucking deal! Historically, of course, young people always have a poor showing when it comes to voting. But this shouldn't be the case. I think this election is important because it will prove to be a generational shift. My friend Greg and I have spent so much time talking about the election and how important it will be in defining America's future. At one point we were discussing writing an op-ed together, but our busy schedules didn't permit us to do so and so that idea fizzled out. Some of the most interesting point was the role this election will play in determining how the world will perceive us as a country. This is important because 1) we live in a global society. Nationalism each day means less and less, and 2) if this trend continues, we will no longer be the superpower. I think two things can be said about the political climate of this country from the last 10 years or so ,and those two things are:

a) The Bush Administration is best summed up by a Simpsons' episode entitled "Trash of the Titans" It's quite brilliant. Yes, I do realize that employing pop cultural references is symptomatic of our generation, but alas, we use the tools we can to make sense of a nonsensical world. In the episode, Homer decides to run for Sanitary Commissioner of Springfield because of a personal vendetta. Homer insults the garbage men, which results in his trash pick up service being discontinued. The matter can be easily resolved with a simple apology, but instead Homer decides to take over a position which he's clearly not qualified for. Sound familiar, anyone? Now, in a rational scenario, Homer would've lost hands down, but then again Springfield, much like our country, is anything but rational. Anything can happen. Needless to say Homer wins the election because of the brilliance and simplicity of his campaign platform: "Can't Someone Else Do It?". In the end, Homer screws up royally and when they try to replace the new regime with the previous administration-- an efficient and functional one-- Ray Patterson, the dethroned Sanitary Commissioner rejects his old job saying that he was content watching Springfield "wallowing in the mess that [they've] made." This is exactly a perfect summation of what the last ten years have been, only it's not as funny because....well, because this is our reality.

b) The importance of this upcoming Tuesday cannot be overstated. At the risk of sounding like an alarmist, this really is a generation-defining election. It falls under a curious time in history where one generation is on it’s way out whereas the other is up on the stage, front and center. It’s the baby boomers versus the Millenials. I say versus because, yes, unfortunately we are at odds with one another. Ours is the generation of racial tolerance and equality (though they’re the ones who fought for it, we are the ones that are living it). I’m not trying to sound ungrateful, because I’m not. The opportunities that I've been given in my lifetime were a direct result of the fights of the past generation. However, we need to take into consideration that the cultural and political landscape has changed dramatically in that time span and quite frankly the baby boomers need to fucking go. Fuck it. Go. If we as a society are going to fuck up this country even more, then shit, at least let us do it. You guys already fucked our shit up so much. Go retire to Florida. Go golfing. I don't care. Just get the fuck out of our way. We're called the Slacker generation ,but shit, I mean how can we not feel disillusioned if you've been in power for so long. Which brings me to Item No. 2.

2) In the last week I've read two interesting blogs about generational differences (you guys recognize a pattern here?) and felt compelled to talk about them. The first is Don't Mistake Ambition for Entitlement. Every week I seem to have a conversation (usually with a coworker) in which I have to defend my generation, and quite frankly after a while, it gets old. We are not slackers, dammit! Ok, we are, but that doesn't mean that we don't want to better ourselves. We refuse to achieve our goals in the same fashion as you guys. How's that working out for you, by the way? How's your 401k right now? Was it worth it, to hold on to ideals meant for a society that no longer really exists? Granted, not everyone is ambitious, but I think it's ridiculous to write an entire generation off simply because we refuse to follow in your footsteps. I'm not saying we're not going to fuck shit up, but at least give us the opportunity to do so. With that said,

3) The other link is titled The Shallowest Generation. The main argument is that alot of social/environmental/economic woes can be attributed to the Boomers. Because really, who else is to blame? In the last 40 years what has been accomplished? Granted, one of their biggest accomplishments was attaining a greater sense of racial equality, but in that time span the socioeconomic gap has grown so much it looks like the Grand Canyon. Economic inequality is the new issue that needs to be addressed. We cannot afford to leave this issue go unattended.

4) The Longhorns lost. Maybe I'm an asshole, but it made me happy. The highlight of the evening was hearing from several people how the Texas Tech fans were classless for storming the field. Isn't that what jubilant sports fans do after a immense victory over a big rival? Also, how dare these people call other fans classless when one of their cheers is 'Make them eat shit'. For real.

Alright, I think this is it right now. Plus, football is on.

Thoughts and comments on "Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization

2008-10-14T12:12:00.000-07:00

http://www.adbusters.org/magazine/79/hipster.html#comment-5671

First and foremost, I'll be the first to admit that the title the article is more than likely very hyperbolic. The author's argument provides us with a very interesting topic worth looking at despite the fact that the article itself lacks any concrete and substantive evidence for his claim. The "countercultural movement" of the hipsters (is it really a movement when there doesn't seem to be any forward progress/motion? Or countercultural for that matter when it shares the same basic principles from that which it tries to distinguish itself from) has had a negative effect on cultural development by recycling the past while at the same time refusing to define its identity, by embracing consumerism, and by co-opting from others while at the same time cheapening its significance and value.

The problem with calling hipsters countercultural is that they don't reject the elements of the status quo but instead they embrace them. The tenets of mainstream culture and society--capitalism, mass consumerism, social climbing, etc.-- are very present within the hipster circle. These, of course operate under different guises. Perhaps the best manner to observe hipsters is by placing them in a sociological context, and I can think of no other person whose work better applies than Thornstein Veblen. In his book, "The Theory of the Leisure Class", Veblen presents the argument that people within a certain social structure try to mirror those higher up in their respective heirarchy in order to obtain more status for themselves. Hipsters still play the proverbial rat race.

"The moment a trend, band, sound, style or feeling gains too much exposure, it
is suddenly looked upon with disdain. Hipsters cannot afford to maintain any
cultural loyalites or affiliations for fear they will lose relevance"

In order to stay at the forefront of cultural relevance within the hipster social structure, they must constantly be on the look out for the next big thing, and like vultures they rush to it and eat it up until there is nothing left to consume. As a result, culture is commodified and is stripped of its value, thus leaving nothing more than cultural nihilism. They are not the creators, they are the users. Culture for them is meant to be used and consumed. It's no surprise that the two biggest time periods that hipsters embrace are the post-WWII and 1980s culture. These, after all, are the periods in which mass consumption was more prominent.

Another thing that should be of great concern is the manner in which other cultures are being appropriated to satisfy this endless hunger. The article mentions that part of the hipster uniform is the keffiyeh, which was "initially sported by Jewish students and Western protesters to express solidarity with Palestinians" but it now has lost its political and symbolic meaning as a result of this co-option. Hipster culture then is not only vapid and superficial, but it has adverse effects on what is indeed culturally relevant.

Hipster culture is definitely hard to define. What is real and what did they take from other people? In a sense, defining what's hipster is similar to the way Clarence Thomas once defined porn, "I'll know it when I see it". I strive not to be an alarmist, but if this (anti-) cultural trend continues, we're in real trouble.

My feud with Gene Wojciechowski, ESPN Sports Writer and Contributor

2008-10-06T14:17:00.000-07:00

I am a Cubs fan, unfortunately. As a result, I have grown up in a one sided relationship in which the other is abusive, dissapointing, and inconsiderate of my feelings. I have grown accustomed to pain. This year, it was even worse. Needless to say, I am still recovering from the hangover needed to forget about the Cubs. Anyway, in my drunken haze I decided it would be a good idea to email Gene Wojciechowski, a senior national sports columnist for ESPN.com and ESPN The Magazine. Below is the text of my original email:

Subject: fuck you

may you burn in hell. you root and represent for everything that i detest about sports. You bald headed motherfucker. I hope you burn in hell

I sent out this email on Saturday night after reading a very unfriendly article he had written about the Cubbies. He had a valid point, but being in the state that I was, there was no way I would listen to logic. Needless to say, I decided to hit the 'Send' button.

Well, turns out that wasn't the end of it. At some point during Sunday afternoon, as I was nursing my hangover and watching the Cowboys game, I get an email in my inbox. It's from Gene. It's not an automated response. It's his reply, posted below:

Fidel,

Kiss your mother with that mouth?
Anyway, it’s great to be recognized by your peers.
Have a great day.

I don't think I've felt like this much of an asshole in a while. The worst part is that I probably wouldn't have felt like a dick wad if he had not responded, or if it was an automated email response. No. He called me out on my bullshit, without stooping down to my level. Damn. I actually felt bad enough I needed to apologize. So I did. Unfortunately I'm too proud to fully admit I'm wrong. So I sent him a Someecard. I wonder if he will reply...

Cubbies

2008-09-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

I'm trying not to get too excited for this, but the Cubs are once again in the playoffs. On a related note, tomorrow is my company's first softball game, and I'm donning number 38 in honor of BIG Z (Carlos Zambrano). Zambrano, who not only is my favorite baseball player, also threw the first no hitter in Cubbie history since Milt Pappas in 1972 and is also one of the main reason why we have a shot of doing what hasn't been done in 100 years. I, along the whole city of Chicago, am holding my breath for the next month or so.

Absurd Link #3

2008-09-28T17:26:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to update this blog with more frequency, but, eh, what can I say, I've been lazy. Anyway, here's another ridiculous link brought to you by PETA.

PETA tells Ben & Jerry's to Use Breast Milk for Ice Cream

It's becoming increasingly harder and harder for me to give PETA the benefit of the doubt. I'm lactose intolerant, so I understand why they would bring up the issue about the unhealthy aspects of milk. Instead of regular milk, I drink soy milk. If PETA really wanted to advocate healthier/better choices for the sake of the protection of animals, wouldn't it be better to go that approach Also, does this mean that PETA cares more about the well-being of animals than the health of human beings? Assuming that this ridiculous plan is put into action, wouldn't the high demand of milk cause companies like Ben and Jerry's to find a consistent milk source? Where would they go to do that? A third world country? Additionally, their argument that you're fucking with nature by drinking something unnatural can work against them. The purpose of breast milk is to feed infants, and applying it to make a product that's consumed by millions would go against its natural intent. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to eat a big juicy raw burger.

Absurd Link of the Week

2008-08-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

9 year old Boy Banned from Little League for Being Too good

from the linked ESPN.com article:

League attorney Peter Noble says the only factor in banning Jericho from the mound is his pitches are just too fast.

"He is a very skilled player, a very hard thrower," Noble said. "There are a lot of beginners. This is not a high-powered league. This is a developmental league whose main purpose is to promote the sport."

Noble acknowledged that Jericho had not beaned any batters in the co-ed league of 8- to 10-year-olds, but say parents expressed safety concerns.

There are two things that are emblematic in describing the idealized vision of the American way of life. Equal opportunity and a strong spirit of competition. While these two don’t exactly characterize and fully describe what being an American is, there is enough of a presence in our society to say that these are somewhat accurate characteristics. These two, I believe, play off of each other and often co-exist peacefully. Once in a while, however, people (dumb fucking people who should be sterilized) are so concerned with keeping things on an even keel that not only does it hinder the notion of competitiveness, but completely squashes it.
I think the right to equal opportunity (for the most part) is what makes this a great country. However, egalitarianism and equality can sometimes be a double-edged sword in which more harm than good is done. Of course, the same can be said about competition being taken to the extreme. I can recall a personal experience in which a kid I played little league with was instructed by the coach—who also happened to be his dad—to purposefully bean the opposing team’s best batter just to give our team an advantage. However, this happens with less frequency and is usually attributed to people being complete assholes. In contrast, this story is symptomatic of a deteriorating culture.
The problem extends beyond the realm of sports and competition. Our society is concerned with equality in other aspects of daily life, such as our education system. A notable example of this is the implementation of the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001.Similarly, general distrust for those who are better has become the norm. This can be seen in politics where candidates have much more success if they are better at portraying themselves as regular blue-collar folk. This same mentality is the reason why Obama’s perception of an elitist had a negative effect on his poll numbers.
This kind of behavior not only punishes those who strive to be better but also rewards and promotes mediocrity. It further propagates the argument that we live in a country where entitlement is rampant. Why would anyone try harder to maximize their potential when its as rewarding to strive for mediocrity? As alarmist as this might sound, if this trend continues our future will be that of a dystopia not unlike the world the characters in Kurt Vonnegut’s short story “Harrison Bergeron”. Quite frankly, that’s not a world I want to live in. So yeah, fuck it, let the kid play. Let him pitch his no-hitters.

2008-08-19T06:49:00.000-07:00

No, FUCK YOU Red River bus. More later.

Admissions, Part 1

2008-08-10T14:19:00.001-07:00

1) I like kids,but not all kids. There are always those kids that make you wish their parents had never reproduced. These are the kind of kids where you can tell that they will be assholes growing up. My two little kids are of that kind.
2) I like being home. I don't like long bus rides.
3) My dad and brother are much better dressers than me.
4) Weekends are always too short
5) I need to learn how to reprioritize goals, people, actions.
6) I like making lists.
7) Seven is a great prime number.

Kiss and Ride on the CTA

2008-08-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

I'm on vacation, but I'd thought I'd transcribe a little something I wrote on the, train ride from O'Hare to my friend's place in Wicker Park late Tuesday night. I will update more on my trip to Chicago later on this week, or when I come back. Radiohead was amazing....

After a series of time lapses, a couple of turnings of the on and off switch of consciousness, I find myself riding the CTA in the midst of what is becoming yesterday and the remnants of what is still today.

I was planning on numbing my mind for the remainder of the train ride, but there she was walking a minute or two before the sliding doors closed.

There is a sign by the door that reminds me alot of the ones posted in the Parisian Metro and the RER. Makes sense. These are sister cities after all. I find myself adjusting my glasses awkwardly as an excuse to grab a quick glance. Because, really, no one wants you to think that you're staring.

Already I feel like a new man. What is left behind is separated and sheltered by these high speed steel cages.

She rests her head on her bag. Not a traveler, so she can't possibly be escaping from anything. No, hers is the look of someone who endures because what she happens to be there. She is sharing this experience because I happened to jump in on the train that she was planning on taking. There is no what was, but only a what is for her. For me, this moment is fleeting and I'm trying to hold on to it through these clumsy words. For her this is her sense of self, this being, late at night commuter train into the city, and affording to sleep without worrying where she is going. Her natural disposition is to be here. Meanwhile, we arrive at my stop and I get out into the muggy night dragging my carry on. Welcome to Chicago, I imagine her whispering.

Dear Chicago...

2008-07-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

In a couple of days I will be going on vacation to Chicago. To say that I am excited is an understatement. It’ll be my first real vacation as an ‘adult’. I haven’t been there since we moved away, with the one exception being Thanksgiving break of 2004, and that time was spent cooped up in my grandmother’s condo watching movies. This time around I plan on really milking my time there dry, and have made plans to soak it all in. With that said, here are a couple of things I love about Chicago:

The Blues, and the Blues Aesthetic
The City of Chicago is rich in cultural history and I plan to immerse myself in it. During my second semester of college I found myself taking an American Studies course on the Blues, and its cultural and historical significance. Needless to say, it was one of the most rewarding classes I’ve ever taken and to this day I find myself revisiting my books. Perhaps nothing else grabbed my attention as much as the Southern Black diaspora to the northern cities. The paintings of Jacob Lawrence are engrained in my mind and have shaped the manner in which I perceive the city. They are a brilliant visual representation of that mass migrations of Southern Negroes to the industrialized cities of the north. Lawrence’s paintings, to me, becomes the unifying force between the distinct Delta blues sound and the more familiar style of blues that was popularized by the likes of Muddy Waters, BB King, and John Lee Hooker. I should Chicago wasn’t the only destination, I think it’s safe to say that no city benefited more from it than Chicago. Many consider it the homes of the blues, after all. If you’re not familiar with Lawrence’s work, here’s a good resource .

http://www.whitney.org/jacoblawrence/

Mike Royko
In my opinion there has been no better American journalist/editorial writer than Mike Royko (ok, maybe H.L. Mencken is up there as well). Royko was a Chicago native that deeply loved his city and this was reflected in his writing (as can be seen by his columns written about the Cubbies and Mayor Daley, just to name a few). He wrote for all three Chicago major papers (including the now defunct Chicago Daily News) and won a Pulitzer for his commentary. His style was that of the common man, of the guy who has an ongoing tab at the tavern across the street, and his readers loved him for it. Below, there’s a link with a handful of some of his writing. Coincidentally, it has two of my all-time favorite Royko articles (titled “Picasso and the Cultural Rebirth of Chicago” and “Jackie’s Debut a Unique Day”). He wrote and thought the way people should write and think
http://www.press.uchicago.edu/Misc/Chicago/730719.html

The Cubbies
I’m a diehard football fan, and I love the Dallas Cowboys, but I’m not as obsessed with them as I am with the Chicago Cubs. Cubbie baseball evokes pastoral images of America. It’s very surprising that the Cubs are able to do this, to make people think of open fields and good ol’ times, especially since Chicago is very much an urban and modern city. A trip to the friendly confines of Wrigley Field is definitely in the works and is quite possibly one of the highlight of my trips. I’m hoping that Big Z—Carlos Zambrano—is the starting pitcher when I’m there, but that won’t be the case.

Absurd Link/Story of the week

2008-07-24T08:41:00.000-07:00

http://blog.peta.org/archives/2008/07/al_gore_to_the.php

In a recent post on PETA’s blog, a blogger condemned Al Gore for admitting that he likes eating meat.

Al Gore admitted to an audience at a political blogger conference that he may, indeed, be bad for the environment and guilty of contributing to global warming. Why? Because he just can't seem to stop eating meat, which is more harmful to the global warming crisis (which Gore is known for being a teeny bit fanatical about) than all of the world's cars, trucks, SUVs, and planes combined!
According to Ezra Klein at Prospect.org, Gore said, "It is true that it would be healthier for us as individuals and as a planet if we consumed less meat. I acknowledge that. … I myself am a meat eater and maybe that's had some effect" (emphasis mine). How did he go from acknowledging that vegetarianism is better for individuals and the planet to saying that maybe his choice to eat animals has some negative effect?
Without committing to any changes in the present, Al Gore explains that he "plead[s] guilty" and that we must "walk before we can run." Seriously? He doesn't know how to walk the walk on this issue? Have we not been clear enough with this guy? We'd love to love you, Al, but please stop clinging to the one thing that is so devastating for the world while asking everyone else to drop their bad habits.
What's next, M.A.D.D. beer cozies sized to fit in your car's cup holder? Ugh.

There’s no doubt that the biggest polluter in this world is the meat industry. However, I think it’s difficult to take PETA seriously with regards to this situation for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, we shouldn’t forget that PETA’s reason for being is. According to their FAQ/Mission statement page on their website, they believe that “animals are not ours to use for food, clothing, entertainment, experimentation.” With that said, their goal is to create a society in which animals are free from being eaten, tortured, enslaved, etc. Admittedly, this is a noble if somewhat misguided cause. Unfortunately, their political/philosophical agenda is such that anything or anyone with a divergent opinion is vilified, such as say, Al Gore.

Secondly, I think it’s hypocritical to demonize Al Gore for eating meat when PETA ignores the fact that soy (which, if I’m not mistaken, plays a large role in a vegetarian and vegan diet) is at the present moment, the biggest factor behind deforestation in the Amazon. According to this 2003 NY Times article the production of soybeans has lead to a huge increase in deforestation. According to the article, the rise in soybean production can be attributed to the rise in demand, particularly in China.

(http://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/17/international/americas/17BRAZ.html)

Economists say that the main spur to the soybean boom is the emergence of a middle class in China, much of whose newly disposable income has been spent on a richer, more varied diet. During the past decade, China has been transformed from a net exporter of soybeans to the world's largest importer in some years of whole soybeans as well as oil and meal byproducts.

Along with more of the Amazonian forest being cut down to increase its output, soy production has had the following negative effects, according to a press release by Friends of the Earth International (http://www.foei.org/en/publications/pdfs/FoEI-RTRS.pdf/):

Conversion of forests and savannahs and related loss of biodiversity, climate change
through land-use changes, fertiliser use and NOx emissions, disruption of surface and
ground water and rainfall patterns.

Social problems such as land conflicts and human rights violations, loss of livelihoods,
poisoning and expulsion of rural communities, small farmers and indigenous peoples.

Forced displacement of the local population into cities and undisturbed natural areas,
increasing concentration of land, and related rural unemployment, poverty and
malnutrition.

Displacement of existing agriculture (particularly cattle ranching and small holder
agriculture) to unexploited and vulnerable primary forests and savannahs.

With that said, there is at least some culpability in the destruction of the planet by those people who consume soy. I think that there definitely needs to be an effort in curbing the environmental damage that the meat industry have, but I don’t think that the best way to go about it is to try to convince people to stop eating meat and switch to vegetarianism/veganism. I, an avid meat eater, have recently made a concerted effort to buy meat locally and make sure that the meat is usually grass-fed. This is a personal choice based on my desire to have less of an environmental impact and ensure that the animals that I consume are treated humanely. It’s mostly because I want to hold my actions accountable. Plus, grass-fed beef just tastes SO much better.

I don’t think that anyone should be taking their environmental advice from PETA. That’s not what they’re about. Instead of trying to make me feel guilty for eating meat, they should stick to what they do best, which is throwing red paint at people who wear fur coats.

Previous piece of writing

2008-07-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

The Dark Knight, IMDB, populism, and egalitarianism on the web

I don't think there was any doubt in anyone's mind--at least not in mine-- that 'The Dark Knight' was going to break box office records. How could it not? It had one of the most extensive viral campaigns for any movie. It reached a point where you couldn't turn anywhere without seeing something for this movie. Add to the mix the death of Heath Ledger; there was most definitely going to be a certain aura surrounding the film, which would eventually lead to huge profits for the studio. Even I bought into the hype.I saw the film on Friday night, and it would be a lie to say that I was not caught up in the excitement. I, along with hundreds of people, were in a line that had extended to outside the theater. Needless to say, every seat in the room was filled. I should mention that I liked the movie. I can’t decide whether I loved it or whether I just though it was pretty good, but I know that I liked it enough that I am willing to go see it a second time. The acting was outstanding—particularly Heath Ledger playing a very demented Joker—and the direction was impressive. The writing did everyone a favor by wanting to recreate the dark Batman of the 1980s.With that said, The Dark Knight is NOT the best film ever made, and to say so is both ludicrous and appalling. IMDB users, however, overwhelmingly disagree with me. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468569/ratingsAs of right now, 69,135 people who voted gave the movie an average of 9.6 out of 10, with 54,224 people giving it a 10. That’s roughly 78.4% of total voters that think that The Dark Knight was flawless (or as close to perfection as you can get), that it far surpasses anything ever made both in storytelling and narrative, technical filmmaking, editing, acting, etc. The people have spoken!Obviously I’m being very tongue in cheek, but I think what’s at hand here is the negative effects of the internet, and its egalitarian nature. Anyone with an internet connection can give their two cents and their opinion, unfortunately, counts just as much as the discriminating expert.A couple of months ago I read a very interesting book titled ‘The Cult of the Amateur: How Today's Internet is Killing Our Culture written by Andrew Keen. In his book, he writes that the internet "worships the creative amateur: the self-taught filmmaker, the dorm-room musician, the unpublished writer. It suggests that everyone — even the most poorly educated and inarticulate amongst us — can and should use digital media to express and realize themselves. Web 2.0 'empowers' our creativity, it 'democratizes' media, it 'levels the playing field' between experts and amateurs. The enemy of Web 2.0 is 'elitist' traditional media." At the risk of coming off as an elitist, I think Mr. Keen touches upon a very interesting point. I don’t agree with him entirely, as I do feel that the internet is a great opportunity for people who actually have something of value to contribute to society .However, I think that as a society we mustn’t water down culture and its production. Culture is essential for a society and a civilization to exist and survive, and thus a certain set of standards must be set in place and maintained. After all, just because I have access to a medical book doesn’t mean that I am qualified to give out any medical advice.

Mean Eyed Cat

2008-03-31T16:34:00.000-07:00

Living in Austin has been such an interesting experience. At first glance, it's like every other city I've ever lived in, but there are those moments where I realize that I'm in such a bizarre city. A perfect example of this was about a week and a half ago. After meeting for coffee with a friend for the sake of company--fighting loneliness-- I reached the conclusion that I wasn't ready to go home just quite yet. As I drove home on a rainy midweek evening, doing everything imaginable to delay my arrival at home, I made the somewhat spontaneous to go to a bar instead. This was around 10:00 pm. Taking the exit ramp into the downtown area, I skimmed through the viable options. These were places that I had frequented all to frequently pretty indiscriminately under the drunken Friday and Saturday haze, but somehow they just wouldn't do. I drove westward until I hit the the railroad tracks and found the Mean Eyed Cat, a shack of a bar that doubles as a shrine to Johnny Cash. Knowing Cash's tendency towards introspection, it seemed like a perfect place to ponder.

I've been meaning to pay the Mean Eyed Cat another visit, but haven't found the time to do so. Places like the Mean Eyed Cat make it easier for me to live in Austin. At the same time, though, my infatuation with this city is based solely on its idiosyncrasies and these have a tendency to be nothing but superficialities. With that said, would I feel just as comfortable elsewhere? And is Austin just a transitory place for something else? Quite frankly, this thought has crossed my mind. It's not very surprising that this train of thought presents itself close to the one year mark since I graduated from college. Much can happen in one year, and as much as it pains me to admit it, nothing really has transpired in that time. So here's the real issue: would I be better elsewhere? It's very likely that such might be the case. After all, as much as I love it here, I don't particularly have any real roots here that would make it impossible to leave.

I think the next month or so will be very crucial. I am making more than a concerted effort to see whether this is the place that I belong to, but if not I'll just pick up and move on.

There was something in the air that night, the stars were bright...

2008-03-17T23:07:00.000-07:00

Yup, I admit it. I am an ABBA fan. It's not even one of those "oh i love ABBA, but in a sarcastic/ironic way". Nope, I definitely genuinely really like ABBA. Normally I would be worried about what that said about me, but not with this band, man. As it stands I can't think of many songs that bring me as much joy and happiness as 'Dancing Queen' and 'Fernando'. Those two songs in particular are like an aural sugar coma. After listening to them, I'm left with a feeling of tingling that is very reminiscent of consuming a high amount of sucrose. Interestingly enough, my love for ABBA doesn't mean I listen to them with much frequency. It's one of those things that on a random night, I'll feel compelled to do. Today's been one of those days. It probably has something to do with the fact that their drummer recently died on a kind of a freak accident. Also Frida and Agnetha singing just makes me tingly down there. Word.

2008-01-20T18:33:00.000-08:00

There's alot of significance behind a nasty hangover the morning after. I don't mean to wax on philosophically about the consequences of a night of binge drinking, but it's definitely reflective of where I am as of late. In college, I drank. ALOT. Since then, I still drink just as heavily as I did in the past, and what's worse is that my recovery speed is much slower. The process is also more painful. I am reminded of a recent interview Norman Mailer gave to Playboy where he talks about defacation.
" As a small premise, think of people who are terribly prudish about evacuation. They don't want to think about it, don't talk about it, it's beneath them, they hope it is terribly far away from them. I'd say, ethically speaking, that's not a comfortable way to be. Far better that when you're sitting on the throne- parenthetically it's interesting that we have that metaphor, 'the throne', precisely for the toilet- when you're sitting on the throne, you do well to be regal about it and enjoy the sniffs of your own waste. Smell your own shit and decide for yourself if you're a little more healthy or a little more unhealthy than you thought you were the last time you sat down. That's part of being close to yourself. You take this notion that what comes out of you may be unpleasant, but it is certainly real. It can be the nearest we come to a fact."I've got to admit, I like taking my time in the proverbial throne. I have to say, as of late, what I've found is very unpleasant. I'm decrepit, and I have got to change this. Growing up is a bitch.

One foot in front of the other

2008-01-18T21:40:00.000-08:00

It's difficult to express oneself while in an off-mood without coming across as self-loathing, insecure, and pathetic. I have yet to find out a way to do so and this has become apparent when I revisit my old blog, which I've left for dead in an attempt to move in the opposite direction. I have found myself trying to find different ways to purge these nasty sentiments out of my system. I need a win, desperately. There's definitely a personal correlation between feeling a sense of helplessness and futility when I'm physically inactive. I've always stated that I'm the most at ease in transit. Forward motion gives me a sense of some purpose, even if its temporary, and in this perpetual moment of nothingness that I seem to find myself in, perhaps I should find something that keeps me in some sort of direction, even if I have to crawl to wherever it is that I'm going. Solitude is a tricky thing. It can encourage the muse of creativity to breed something worthwhile. On the other side of the coin, however, it can rear its ugly face and just destroy you. It's such a fine thin line. I can only hope that I find myself able to learn how to keep my head above the water and get home safely. One last thing, whoever said that not even home can be with you forever is full of shit.

Sympathy for the Devil, and 39 other saliva-laden ballads

2007-12-24T14:02:00.001-08:00

Self-loathing and jejuneness are such bourgeoisie symptoms. Spare me your complaints and trepidations. No, I am not interested in your middle-class routine. Go buy yourself a pretty dress and wear it to the ball, show it off to the faceless and the anamorphic, but watch out! Those disarming smiles are loaded with razorblades and they will devour you! I've got some bad news for you sunshine the groovy mellow notes you shamefully paint yourself with will not save you from the violating jolts of the big bad motherfuckin' electric gofuckyourself. Be not so fearful, the nice doctor will save you. He'll give you that hystarectimonious shot in the leg and will set you on your gilded-paved way. As for me...well, I've got to go meet the man with the moving camera by the crossroads at midnight. He said something about helping me out with these blurry blood vessels that run from inside my eye and into my nose .It'll cost you, he said. So now I'm down that smoke stuck inside my solar plexus from those cigarettes burned during that cold life-affirming morning.

Silver

2007-12-15T18:34:00.001-08:00

An interesting quote from Godard's Masculin Feminin:

"We'd often go to the movies. We'd shiver as the screen lit up. But more often, Madeline and I would be disappointed. More often we'd be disappointed. The images flickered. Marilyn Monroe looked terribly old. It saddened us. It wasn't the film we had dreamed, the film we all carried in our hearts, the film we wanted to make... and secretly wanted to live."

I could not help but to re-transcribe Godard's words. There is something so...tragically beautiful about it. I don't particularly share Paul's sentiment concerning his disappointment with the movies. I don't think the magic of watching something larger than life play before my eyes will wear off. I cannot think of anything better than to be bombarded with flashing images and thunderous sound. It's epic. There's nothing else that causes me to entirely surrender myself--not one single thing that consumes my soul and holds it captive.

There's a part in Catcher in the Rye where Holden disdainfully comments on people who are always in a rush to get to a movie, stating how they looked like it would be the end of the world if they missed their movie. I must confess, I always feel a strong sense of urgency , giddiness and anxiety as I'm heading to the movie theater. I cannot even begin to fathom what I would do if I missed the opening credits.

I'm also very particular about where I sit. I love sitting somewhere in the middle, not too far behind lest I begin to feel detached from the experience, and not too close so as to avoid being subjected to straining my neck. I love to feel the warm glow of light bounce off the screen from the projector and just covering me, embracing me.

The thing about sitting in a movie theater is that it's such an engaging experience. The screen demands your full attention on account of its grand stature. You are left powerless, and it consumes your soul.And yet..And yet it is not a passive experience; it is not like television. On the contrary, it's very active and demands total immersion from its viewers. I am not a religious person, and quite frankly I doubt I ever will be. In spite of this, however, I remember going to a church service two Easters ago that just enthralled me not because of its religious content but because of its rituals. It was cinematic. It might sound hyperbolic, but I feel the most spiritually at ease in a movie theater.

And with that said, it is difficult to ignore the escapist nature of film. While I am a strong believer that cinema elevates the soul and the being, it simultaneously provides an escape from one's own reality. I find very dissappointing whenever a movie ends and the credits begin to roll. It almost feel like any metaphysical and existential cleansing I had just experienced dissipates.

It is no real secret that I have cinematic aspirations. I would very much like to actively craft and recreate this experience for others, as well as for myself. Part of it stems from the obvious self-absorbed reasons--self-validation, fame, adoration, etc. But another part of me wants to contribute to the betterment of the human condition; to provide a means and to facilitate the improvement of our society. Of course, to even think such thoughts is absurd and somewhat even delusional. Do I honestly think I am capable of doing so? Quite frankly, I'd rather not answer this question because I am afraid of what it would reveal to me. I would very much like to think that someday I will try. I think what scares me the most is that if I did try, I would fail miserably, and would come off as nothing more than pedestrian and uninspired. It's somewhat paralyzing, particularly because my biggest fear is to be that: mediocre. On the other side of the coin, however, I have this strong inkling that maybe I am destined for something like this, almost to the point where it borders on being someone who possesses delusions of grandeur. I could only hope that this part of my personality will eventually win out and take over. Yeah, it's scary to think of yourself as someone who will fail, but then again, I think it'll be more depressing to think that I didn't even give myself an opportunity to fail.

4:22am

2007-12-15T18:32:00.000-08:00

At this moment, more than anything, change and transformation are so elusive and paradoxical. In order to bring about change, one has to constantly and endlessly repeat said desired action until it is incorporated into routine. The quickest way to change is to pick up tried and true habits.

Random Musings

2007-12-15T18:31:00.000-08:00

I remember this conversation I once had with Rachel in which she stated that she was "scared for [her] soul." Her concern was not theological in nature, but rather, she was worried that she was losing her sense of self; what was at risk was her personal identity and how she viewed hers place in the world. At the time, I found it difficult to understand why someone who was in her early twenties would occupy herself with an existential crisis. I think I understand now though. In a couple of weeks i'll be seven months out of college, and there's definitely something to be said about trying to figure out who you are. It became easy (at least for me) to develop a sense of self and personal identity while in college. After all, the institution is structured in a manner where your choices--what classes you take, who you become friends with, the extracurriculars that you participate in, etc.-- end up defining you a a person, both to others and to yourself. I knew who I was.
While I can't fully claim that I don't know who I am anymore, alot of the things that helped flesh out my character are no longer with me. I must confess there have been moments where I've been terrified that who I was in college was nothing but a farce-- a caricature of a preposterous pseudo-intellectual who talked about the politics of who-knows-what--and to a certain extent, yeah I was that guy. But I was only a product of my environment. Did I talk of such heavy philosophical things because I was forced to? Did I regurtitate Barthe's argument on myth-making because I truly believed it or because it was something to do? With that environment gone, I find myself somewhat worried that all the semi-coherent and smart things I said were someone else's words. So a new task is at hand; for my own sake, I am going to use this space to figure out what it is I believe in, what my real convictions are. In a sense, I will have to carve a new identity out of the woodwork. I can't say that I'm not overwhelmed, but I find such an endeavor exciting.

I can't Remember if I actually wrote this...

2007-12-15T18:27:00.000-08:00

I can’t remember if i actually wrote this...

I found this on one of my old journals. I can't remember if I actually wrote this or not, but its language is so eloquent and the clarity of its intent is so clean that I cannot help but to question whether I was the one who actually penned it...
thought 1:
the passions that drive us should be the ones we respect and admire. to feel contempt for one's own motivations is a vulgar thing. too often, it seems, i've succumbed to less than admirable compulsions driven by this furiously reprehensible machine of mine. so many things inside that i can do without- desires and urges and whatnot. so extraneous.
thought 2:
there's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt. i can't say i'm very pleased with where my life is just now... but i can't help but look forward to where it's going.